Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian

Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian, born in North Park, Walmart Island in 1921 BC, was a major protagonist in the Valve City Era (10000 BC - 987 BC), Gnome Era (987 BC - 1299 AD) and a major antagonist in the Modern Steam City Era (1299 AD - 2035). Lord Ursus was also the final leader of the Walmart Tribe, put in place to make sure and event like the Ganashiro Incident never happens again. Lord Ursus killed people who tried to step between him, his allies and Walmart. Lord Ursus was responsible for the Walmart Island Revolution, North Park War I, The Walmart City Civil War, The assassination of Penis Matthews I, The Great Logo Lake War, The assassination of Phwong Chong, North Park War II, The assassination of Jaxx Senior and North Park War III.

= Early Life =

Childhood
Lord Ursus grew up in North Park during the Valve City Era (10000 BC - 987 BC) and he liked to scalp the heads of retarded black children in his childhood. He also used to commit petty theft crimes which escalated into murdering for fun. Lord Ursus never went to school as there was no school system in North Park or any city in Walmart Island for that matter during this time, as the Walmart Tribe hadn't figured out the tools of oppression that the Valve corporation were using during Mohammet's rule.

Joining The Walmart Tribe
Lord Ursus was put in place as the new leader of the Walmart Tribe after the death of Mohammet. Ursus received a grade education by the higher ranks of the Walmart Tribe when he was young, as the assassination of Mohammet was being planned by the Walmart Tribe. He was taught everything he needed to know about being in charge of the Walmart Tribe, how to govern the district of Walmart Island under the ideology of Walmart Tribalism, etc. Lord Ursus was then given the Walmart Pill which granted him immortality. Lord Ursus' severe mental instability and psychopathic tendencies was one of the many reasons he was personally chosen to fulfil the role as leader of the Walmart Tribe.

= Legacy =

The Walmart Island Revolution
yeah

Associations with The Curryman Tribe
yeah

North Park War I
yeah

Gnomistan Cambodian Genocides
yeah

Associations with Gustavolands
yeah

The Walmart City Civil War
yeah

The Great Logo Lake War
yeah

The Assassination of Phwong Chong
yeah

The Walmart HQ Siege of 1839
yeah

The Assassination of Penis Matthews I
yeah

North Park War II
yeah

The Ching Chong Trollege
yeah

The Walmart Liberty Incident
yeah

The Assassination of Jaxx Senior
yeah

Associations with The 1% Corporation
yeah

North Park War III
yeah

= Death and Funeral =

Cause of Death
Lord Ursus was killed at a military outpost situated in Scram Town, Walmart Island on December 31st, 2026 after The Ganashiro Militia had weakened the Walmart Tribe during the Siege of Wild Animal Island, the final battle of North Park War III, giving Ganashiro The Scourge of Walmart the window of opportunity to successfully assassinate Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian, which he did, inevitably ending North Park War III and the entire Walmart Tribe altogether.

Funeral
Lord Ursus' funeral was held at the St. Dad Church in North Park, Walmart Island on January 5th, 2027. An incident occurred outside the funeral where Ganashiro The Scourge of Walmart had planned to rape old ladies attending the funeral to spite Lord Ursus. Ganashiro ended up failing due to Robert Ford assassinating him for unrelated reasons.

= Inspirational Quotes of Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian = "Steam is a platform built on tribal mentality with an unhealthy mix of autism. Power and influence first, money and status second, any "humanity and kindness" last since it's a sign of weakness. It's more like a herd of animals all trying to be alpha males rather than a Community." - Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian, 1806 BC

"I'll fuck your dad, cunt" - Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian during North Park War I, unknown date.

"I'll fucking piss down your throat and fuckin throw up on you, bitch" - Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian during North Park War I, unknown date.

"nah cunt my dad has a bigger dick than your dad cunt" - Lord Ursus The Walmart Guardian during North Park War II, 1942.