Golden Unicorn Heist

The Golden Unicorn Heist was one of the most infamous heists of Steam City's history, costing the Steam City banks over 2 trillion steamhappy's worth of Golden Unicorn awards, which isn't necessarily much on the grand scale since the banks tend to print their money, but the point being that this was the most anyone had ever stolen from Valve, or in this case, it was stolen from the citizens of Steam City, which caused another event called The Steam City Depression. The heist had involved the welsh crusader larper groups known as Saving Rivellon and Templar Order, or together more commonly known as DEUS. More specifically, the heist had involved select members from these factions, specifically Quercus, the leader of DEUS, a lesser known member known as Celery and Nk, who really isn't considered to be a member of DEUS, but he had known connections to this heist.

= Origin = The obscure jewish video game known as Cyberpunk 2077 was about to release on December 10th, 2020 and citizens of Steam City were eagerly awaiting to purchase their copy outside of numerous video game outlets throughout the city. DEUS, or more specifically, a sea captain known as Celery who had recently been recruited into the ranks, had decided to cash in on exploiting the brainless consumers looking forward to watch the animated Keanu Reeves cyborg sex scenes featured in Cyberpunk or whatever it was that hyped the game up so much (I never played it).

The Motive
The initial motive for this heist was to "mock" the video game and its Polish developers, who Celery had happen to dislike due to "the fact that they repelled his Russian ancestors for merely attempting to peacefully repossess their country."

The Plan
With the help of Nk and high king Queercum, the initial plan of this heist was to purchase a copy of cyberpunk, play it for 5 minutes in order to write a fake review for said game and make profit from the fake review. The review was supposed to display a heartwarming message, in this case, Celery had wrote a review stating that he was a terminally ill cancer patient thankful to live long enough to play this game, dying in peace knowing he had been able to play Cyberpunk 2077 in his life time. The awards will flood in and Celery, Quercus and Nk will walk away with the profits. Nk's role was to purchase and gift a copy of Cyberpunk 2077 to Celery and Quercus was, well, he was just Quercus.

= Aftermath = Over 2 trillion steamhappy's (which accumulates to $2 Trillion USD) worth of Golden Unicorn awards had been given to Celery by citizens of Steam City. The plan initially went to shit after Quercus and Nk had realised they had been played for fools, as Celery had walked away with 100% of the profits and none were shared among them as the initial plan had stated. This would have caused Celery to be exiled and blacklisted from DEUS, but Celery had left Steam City after taking 100% of the profits, never to be seen again.

Internet outrage
The news of this heist had reached Reddit City and Twitter City after Celery had revealed that this was all a scam to get some shekels. Losers online who had donated their Steam Points to the review were fucking fuming with rage, berating Celery with slurs and begging him to share the profits with the homeless shelters and orphanages of Steam City. Celery did not answer these demands as his Steam Profile had been long since abandoned, and he himself had left Steam City to live comfortably with his riches.



= Conspiracy Theories = As mentioned, this heist inevitably caused Steam City to have a sort of "fake" economic collapse, which was known as the Steam City Depression. Since many Steam City citizens were left poor after this, and hopefully a hard lesson was learned from it (believe me, it wasn't.) Anyways, conspiracy theories have arisen from this event, the biggest one being that Valve actually conducted the Golden Unicorn heist and that Celery was secretly working for Valve. The goal was initially just to steal money from Steam City citizens only to blame it on DEUS, causing a fake economic collapse, causing citizens to starve to death because they rely on money to eat their bug meat and shit.